The List

Ok, I'm guilty. When I meet someone new, probably as a result of my never ending skepticism, that always seems to function at the wrong times, I am quick to point out the top 5 things that are wrong with a potential mate, even if they have 100 things that make them "great." So, as another baby boy was going on and on about wanting to be a greater part of my life, I kept telling him, "Hey, you're not what I need right now." He replies, "Ok, what do you need?" I was a little startled at first, I don't get asked that often.

"Well, I want someone who is a sincere mate. Someone that I TRUST. Someone who wants to build and grow together. Someone who is romantic, I've NEVER dated a romantic person before. Someone who wants to travel and go to museums and wine tastings. Someone who is willing to teach me things and also learn from me as well."

Of course in his mind he is all of those things, but in my mind, I already know it will NEVER work. Ironically, while scrolling through Facebook, I noticed someone had re-tweeted this post by Tyrese:

"Tyrese4ReaL

Your still single cause YOU know your VALUE.. Stay strong! Don't allow ur HORNY or your LONELY to make u do some STUPID SH*T!!"

Then this song began to play in my head...

I think I did well to rattle off a condensed version of the list. While in college, I created a list of "non-negotiables", per some self-help book I was reading. There were forty-eight items on the list. Yes, 4-8, 48. My last boyfriend supposedly satisfied 45 of them, and he was still the biggest con artist known to man. So, in my mind, I'm like Geez, I need to ADD to the list? I tried, unsuccessfully, to find it, but if I find it at a later time, I will most certainly post them.

I know myself, very well. I'm very easy going, very loving, very generous. But I have also seen all of those things be exploited by people who didn't find value in those things...until I had had enough. My last boyfriend is STILL trying to rekindle pieces of a relationship that ended over a year and a half ago. The boyfriend before him stalked me (Yes, I'm talking sitting outside of my house late at night), for SIX MONTHS after our relationship ended. I ended up having to move, change my phone number and email addresses. It's so crazy to me, how the old school adage actually holds weight, "You never miss a good thing until it's gone." Or how I always hear in the back of my mind, my mother saying "Hell, I can do bad by myself!" Even before Tyler Perry re-introduced/popularized the thought. But the fact of the matter was, my mother did well by herself. I would think at times that she was probably lonely, but I'm sure no relationship was worth her peace of mind. By watching what I would consider her inherent heroism, I have always been independent and felt like I had to be that way to survive...and not get shafted in life. I'm extremely quirky, and have always said, anyone who can put up with me, deserves to have to me. But that couldn't be further from the truth. I suppose, I would prefer someone who could enhance all the things that are great about me, yet still love all of the things that are not.

I'm by no means perfect, nor do I expect anybody else to be. But I do have expectations and standards. My girls keep saying that I sound like her:

Touche'!