Last weekend, I spent time with a friend that I knew in college. The whole time we were in college depending on who I was talking to when he came around, the scene was always the same. They would lean in close to me and whisper, "Hey, you think David is gay?" into my ear, and I would reply with a Kanye shrug, although according to my gaydar, I would say so. He is extremely articulate, very manicured, and just didn't seem to be visibly excited by the female physique as were his male counterparts. We had never had a real opportunity to talk, because I was one of his friend's girlfriend. So, when he appeared to be so delighted to see me, I wasn't sure how to take that. If it was attraction, curiosity, or maybe he was just happy to see me. We shared a meal or two together and we were able to dig into each other's psyche. He told me, "I don't like you, you're like a cat, you can see into people's soul." My nickname (Catwoman aka Ms. Cat) seems to take on greater meaning the older I get. However, by talking to him, I realized he wasn't gay, he was just different. Oftentimes, different scares us and we give it other names to make ourselves feel better. One night I slept in the bed with him and he didn't even look at me funny. The old me would've said he had to be gay...does he realize how fine I am? Smiles...However, the new me sooooo appreciated the respect that this grown man had for me. We, as women, say that's what we want, but then settle for less. Wow, I am learning, huh?
I had brunch with a friend recently, and we were discussing, my growing process and how I'm learning what I like and what I don't like. And more importantly learning how to express what I need and what is unacceptable...and not feeling guilty for being so expressive. She said what I'd thought before, that possibly I am intimidating. Smiles, I of course don't think that I am. But I know that I give off a "Dude, I don't need you!" type vibe that is probably off-putting to any dude who wants to be needed. But I don't...And I guess in my mind, I want someone who is secure enough in himself that he isn't threatened by my sometimes seemingly cockiness. As we continued to talk I said well, I try to interact with a variety of people, that's how you figure out what works for you. I used to LOVE a thug. I'm not afraid to admit it, I mean white tee boys were my thing. They at least looked the part. Sorta...they looked like money, because they would gladly pull a stack or two out of their pocket at any given moment. If they didn't have it, they could go get it. But after a while, I discovered that it wasn't that serious, nor was it any fun to be ALWAYS looking over my shoulder or making sure I wasn't followed home. I've also tried the preppy, button down type dudes. They don't seem to do anything for me either. I can't be with anyone who thinks he's flyer than me! They rarely seem to want to do any of the adventurous stuff I'm into, like the skydiving or horseback riding or I don't know, anything that requires them to get dirty. So, according to my girl, I need a corporate thug. One of my favorite songs started to play in my head...maybe she's onto something...
Last night, I went out with yet another guy who I was not sure if he was gay or just different. You know you never want to ask and totally disrespect or offend someone who didn't know he was giving off "gay tendencies". This guy totally blew my mind though. He so expanded my thinking and was on the same page as me as far as a lot of things and I didn't have explain or rationale my stance, because he already understood. Good stuff! I hadn't even intended on hanging out so long, but we were having a good conversation, so I didn't mind. We had a couple glasses of wine and shared a slice of cheesecake. I was giving him the side eye, but my girl made the point that people who have money get that way by monitoring how they spend their money, so I let him slide on that. It was also kind of cute in away. I would totally go out with him again, but I appreciate that he taught me a lot about myself and showed me that what I want is out there if I'm patient.
I love this song, but I don't want to just "Upgrade you", how about we upgrade each other, Corporate Thug?
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