The Great American Apparel Diet

So, while loading the yahoo browser to check some email, I noticed an interesting link on the homepage "Do you need a clothing fast?" I curiously began to click link after link until I arrived to this page www.TheGreatAmericanApparelDiet.com, as though God himself had led me there by the hand. The website stipulates:

Join at Anytime

The Great American Apparel Diet, no limits on portion size! Wear as much as you like (as long as it’s not new). Devour your closet until you are satisfied, not stuffed. Chomp through your drawers until you are brimming not bloated. Within days you will feel lighter, brighter and more confident. In one small year (that’s 365 days, 8760 hours) you will be satiated without the unwanted weight of debt, overstuffed closets and apparel hangovers. Start September 1st—your wallet and your sanity will thank you.

Late Starters Caveat: If you want to jump on the bandwagon feel free to do it at any time before August 1, 2010. But, the end is August 31, 2010 regardless of when you start.

What you can and cannot consume on the Great American Apparel Diet

Let’s first discuss the things you can guzzle without guilt:

1. Clothes currently in your closet, on hooks, in your drawers or on your floors. Go crazy, gobble them up as long as they are not new. Allow me to dissect the semantics of the word “new.” New is anything that resembles a complex carbohydrate (something you pay for). An item is “not new,” if it something a person gives you. Now, this can be complicated for you late night snackers who don’t think midnight calories count. Do not–you cannot write a check to your husband or best friend and give them instructions or a wish list for your “must haves.” Those calories do technically count and once you go there you’re off the wagon and you’re likely to roll chubb-ily downhill.
2. Footwear (technically boots that morph into a skirt are suspect and are considered apparel).
3. Accessories. I will refer to Webster on this one: Noun: An article or set of articles of dress, as gloves, earrings, or a scarf, that adds completeness, attractiveness, etc. to one’s basic outfit.
4. Underwear—every girl should have a great pair of clean underwear on at all times and I will say no more.

Now let’s discuss those nasty items that are sure to leave you bloated and disgusted with yourself:

1. New clothes, the ones you pay money for (this includes outerwear, athletic wear and Halloween costumes).

If you would like to join please send a picture and brief bio (see bios of bloggers on this site for inspiration) to info@sallyreps.com and we will gladly set you up with your username, pasword and adminstrative login site. Remember, only serious dieters need apply.

I will officially start August 1, 2010. *runs off to shop* Winks!

Can we be lovers and friends?

I am a firm believer that every person comes into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I've met plenty of reasons, a few seasons and even fewer lifetimes. We always want to meet that person that is our lifetime love...but myself like Whitney often asks, HOW WILL I KNOW? I have a homegirl who is the queen of the rebuttal "sounds good." So, when some dude or chick is selling you swamp land in Florida, it probably sounds good until you realize you can't build on it.

A friend and I were talking recently and I told them "I'm scared that the person I envision either doesn't exist or I'll be so burnt out by the time they come along, that I don't recognize it and miss a blessing." I went on to say "If I were to be with someone it would have to be a kindred spirit, that didn't feel like work, but knew me well enough to understand the things I didn't say. #wheretheydothatat?" My friend expressed that they totally understood my thought process, but how many people are walking around doing the same thing, simply being afraid after being hurt many times over? My friends always tell me "When you're ready" What the hell does that mean? In my mind I've been ready, I just never attract EXACTLY or even close to what I'm looking for. I really want to fall in love, not stupid... or fall in lust.

I had a friend express an interest, that I would never have been brave enough to explore, so I applaud that person. TOTALLY. But why are we both scared. And as a friend, I totally trust the person, but I'm a little leery at anything beyond a platonic relationship. Why do we take ourselves through these changes? I expressed to my friend that I have a real problem with the concept of "relationships." Because of course you and your mate define what YOUR relationship is, but it's so easy to fall into the rut or routine of what a "relationship" is supposed to look like. I personally would like mine to look like what Jay and Beyonce's look like their relationship is like. We'll never know because we're not them, but they seem to be very good friends who enjoy each other's company. I am feeling that. When you have someone who loves and respects you for being you, you can save all of the bull, but you also run the risk of losing a great friend...According to my own words I'd rather have a GREAT friend than a "boyfriend"/"husband." Hmmm...Can we be lovers and friends?

Definitely FANCY...

America's Best Cities for Singles

Another Interesting Read...

America's Best Cities
for Singles

Atlanta Ranks as # 16 on the list of 30 cities with the suggestion that you "hang out at the airport and say you're waiting for a connecting flight." That's encouraging!

Queen Latifah on Larry King Live

I watched this last night and it was one of those things that came right when I needed it. Take a look:

http://podcasts.cnn.net/cnn/big/podcasts/lkl/video/2010/07/10/lkl.queen.latifah.podcast.cnn.m4v

I love how eloquent, yet down-to-earth she is. Enjoy!

Corporate Thug?

Last weekend, I spent time with a friend that I knew in college. The whole time we were in college depending on who I was talking to when he came around, the scene was always the same. They would lean in close to me and whisper, "Hey, you think David is gay?" into my ear, and I would reply with a Kanye shrug, although according to my gaydar, I would say so. He is extremely articulate, very manicured, and just didn't seem to be visibly excited by the female physique as were his male counterparts. We had never had a real opportunity to talk, because I was one of his friend's girlfriend. So, when he appeared to be so delighted to see me, I wasn't sure how to take that. If it was attraction, curiosity, or maybe he was just happy to see me. We shared a meal or two together and we were able to dig into each other's psyche. He told me, "I don't like you, you're like a cat, you can see into people's soul." My nickname (Catwoman aka Ms. Cat) seems to take on greater meaning the older I get. However, by talking to him, I realized he wasn't gay, he was just different. Oftentimes, different scares us and we give it other names to make ourselves feel better. One night I slept in the bed with him and he didn't even look at me funny. The old me would've said he had to be gay...does he realize how fine I am? Smiles...However, the new me sooooo appreciated the respect that this grown man had for me. We, as women, say that's what we want, but then settle for less. Wow, I am learning, huh?

I had brunch with a friend recently, and we were discussing, my growing process and how I'm learning what I like and what I don't like. And more importantly learning how to express what I need and what is unacceptable...and not feeling guilty for being so expressive. She said what I'd thought before, that possibly I am intimidating. Smiles, I of course don't think that I am. But I know that I give off a "Dude, I don't need you!" type vibe that is probably off-putting to any dude who wants to be needed. But I don't...And I guess in my mind, I want someone who is secure enough in himself that he isn't threatened by my sometimes seemingly cockiness. As we continued to talk I said well, I try to interact with a variety of people, that's how you figure out what works for you. I used to LOVE a thug. I'm not afraid to admit it, I mean white tee boys were my thing. They at least looked the part. Sorta...they looked like money, because they would gladly pull a stack or two out of their pocket at any given moment. If they didn't have it, they could go get it. But after a while, I discovered that it wasn't that serious, nor was it any fun to be ALWAYS looking over my shoulder or making sure I wasn't followed home. I've also tried the preppy, button down type dudes. They don't seem to do anything for me either. I can't be with anyone who thinks he's flyer than me! They rarely seem to want to do any of the adventurous stuff I'm into, like the skydiving or horseback riding or I don't know, anything that requires them to get dirty. So, according to my girl, I need a corporate thug. One of my favorite songs started to play in my head...maybe she's onto something...

Last night, I went out with yet another guy who I was not sure if he was gay or just different. You know you never want to ask and totally disrespect or offend someone who didn't know he was giving off "gay tendencies". This guy totally blew my mind though. He so expanded my thinking and was on the same page as me as far as a lot of things and I didn't have explain or rationale my stance, because he already understood. Good stuff! I hadn't even intended on hanging out so long, but we were having a good conversation, so I didn't mind. We had a couple glasses of wine and shared a slice of cheesecake. I was giving him the side eye, but my girl made the point that people who have money get that way by monitoring how they spend their money, so I let him slide on that. It was also kind of cute in away. I would totally go out with him again, but I appreciate that he taught me a lot about myself and showed me that what I want is out there if I'm patient.

I love this song, but I don't want to just "Upgrade you", how about we upgrade each other, Corporate Thug?

I can't front, I HEART this dude, he's not crazy, he's brave...authenticity scares people...

The List

Ok, I'm guilty. When I meet someone new, probably as a result of my never ending skepticism, that always seems to function at the wrong times, I am quick to point out the top 5 things that are wrong with a potential mate, even if they have 100 things that make them "great." So, as another baby boy was going on and on about wanting to be a greater part of my life, I kept telling him, "Hey, you're not what I need right now." He replies, "Ok, what do you need?" I was a little startled at first, I don't get asked that often.

"Well, I want someone who is a sincere mate. Someone that I TRUST. Someone who wants to build and grow together. Someone who is romantic, I've NEVER dated a romantic person before. Someone who wants to travel and go to museums and wine tastings. Someone who is willing to teach me things and also learn from me as well."

Of course in his mind he is all of those things, but in my mind, I already know it will NEVER work. Ironically, while scrolling through Facebook, I noticed someone had re-tweeted this post by Tyrese:

"Tyrese4ReaL

Your still single cause YOU know your VALUE.. Stay strong! Don't allow ur HORNY or your LONELY to make u do some STUPID SH*T!!"

Then this song began to play in my head...

I think I did well to rattle off a condensed version of the list. While in college, I created a list of "non-negotiables", per some self-help book I was reading. There were forty-eight items on the list. Yes, 4-8, 48. My last boyfriend supposedly satisfied 45 of them, and he was still the biggest con artist known to man. So, in my mind, I'm like Geez, I need to ADD to the list? I tried, unsuccessfully, to find it, but if I find it at a later time, I will most certainly post them.

I know myself, very well. I'm very easy going, very loving, very generous. But I have also seen all of those things be exploited by people who didn't find value in those things...until I had had enough. My last boyfriend is STILL trying to rekindle pieces of a relationship that ended over a year and a half ago. The boyfriend before him stalked me (Yes, I'm talking sitting outside of my house late at night), for SIX MONTHS after our relationship ended. I ended up having to move, change my phone number and email addresses. It's so crazy to me, how the old school adage actually holds weight, "You never miss a good thing until it's gone." Or how I always hear in the back of my mind, my mother saying "Hell, I can do bad by myself!" Even before Tyler Perry re-introduced/popularized the thought. But the fact of the matter was, my mother did well by herself. I would think at times that she was probably lonely, but I'm sure no relationship was worth her peace of mind. By watching what I would consider her inherent heroism, I have always been independent and felt like I had to be that way to survive...and not get shafted in life. I'm extremely quirky, and have always said, anyone who can put up with me, deserves to have to me. But that couldn't be further from the truth. I suppose, I would prefer someone who could enhance all the things that are great about me, yet still love all of the things that are not.

I'm by no means perfect, nor do I expect anybody else to be. But I do have expectations and standards. My girls keep saying that I sound like her:

Touche'!

The 80/20 Rule

More times than I would like to admit, I have, sometimes willingly, but a lot of times, unknowingly, been "The other woman". I have also been the victim of the other woman. I am probably one of the most liberal women you would ever meet and tend to explain early in a relationship (regardless of the type), to, 'Just be HONEST with me. Let me make my own decisions. If I find out later, I will be angrier than if you just told me in the first place." In my mind, if a mate does something "wrong", but can admit to it, then we can work through it. I am very aware that people are human. However, in contrast, to lie about it, signifies to me that the person feels no sense of remorse. If I am told the truth, I will be more likely trust that the other person to ALWAYS be honest with me. But of course, I'm always hit with this line:

How does one know what I can handle? I think it's very selfish for someone to make decisions for me and to carry on a relationship, that is basically a lie. When you are not married, or sometimes when people are, the fact of the matter is that you are STILL human. I don't hold people what I feel are unreasonable or unrealistic expectations. Be you! I would rather someone love me for who I truly am, than to love a fabricated version of myself. I never understood, if people want to truly and honestly be with their mate, then why cheat? There is an option to have an open relationship, why not do that? Or not have a relationship at all? I guess it goes back to the whole sense of entitlement that I referenced in the last blog. What makes a person think they can have their cake and eat it too? WHERE THEY DO THAT AT?

I have seen so many men, and women, rationale why they step out on their mates. Why not just LEAVE? I've heard the amended version of the old adage, that goes something like this, "The grass is greener on the other side because they use cow manure as fertilizer." I probably jacked it up, but you get the point. Searching for that other 20%, and not realizing that you may not be the full 100% yourself. I've seen so many seemingly good relationships go awry from people not loving and building what they already have. They keep their 80 percent and lie to them about their 20 percent on the side. I wonder if it ever crosses their mind, what if when I'm away from my mate, that they are searching for or sleeping with their other 20%? Hmmm....

1. Know what you want.

2. When you find it...love it and build on it.

3. Or someone else will.

Baby Boy

Anytime someone of the "Hip-Hop Generation" refers to their favorite movie, aside from Scarface, two other movies come to mind: Belly and Baby Boy. I'll be honest, I can't remember EVER being a fan of either movie, but I've sat through each of them time and time and time again, typically while visiting someone who was deeply engrossed in the movie. I don't own a copy of either and would probably never choose to watch it if I had my choice of what to watch. That being said, a couple of nights ago, hanging out with a couple of friends, Baby Boy came on TV. Both of my friends had fallen asleep and yet I laid on the couch wide awake re-watching this movie that I'd seen a gazillion and one times. But for some reason, this time was different. The introduction really struck me:

"There's this psychiatrist...a lady named Dr. Frances Cress Welsing. She has a theory about the black man in America. She says that because of the system of racism, the black man has been made to think of himself as a baby...a not yet fully formed human being who has not realized his full potential. To support her claim, she offers the following: First...what does a black man call his woman? Momma. Second, what does a black man call his closest acquaintances? His boys. And finally, what does a black man call his place of residence? The crib."

The following is the first ten minutes of the movie, but the video for the aforementioned quote is from 0-1:43.

I'd never read so far into the "slang" that we use, but there has to be some validity to this comment, because as I watched this movie, in each scene I could replace any one of the characters with someone I know. Hell, I have probably been a few of the females in the movie. I think it was enlightening, yet also frightening at the same time. Kind of the same reaction I had when I watched Good Hair by Chris Rock. These movies simply reiterate things we already know or have seen, yet, they've become such a common place, that we don't see certain actions as being erroneous. We have grown accustomed to passively observing and interacting on these levels. I always jokingly, (but seriously), say "Don't buy my Louis Bags, buy me STOCKS!" And I saw the same topic reintroduced in this movie as "Guns and Butter". I thought to myself, what a powerful analogy. I've blogged on this topic several times, the fact that we're are always so caught up with artificial status and what I call STUFF.

Guns and Butter:

I'm a young female who dates...sorta...This movie just helped me to recognize some of the characters in my life and how the characters in this movie are so REAL! Tyrese's character, Jody, made me so angry, because I've seen him many times before. Not "Jody", but males who act just like Jody. His arrogance, selfishness and sense of entitlement infuriated me, but the reality of the situation is, people can only do to you, what YOU allow. A lot of men AND women, talk big game but have and/or are living with Jodys. It's scary to know that this is some people's reality.

Like A Baby Boy:

Are we really content with the Baby Boys of our society? Or have they become such a common place, that we don't expect much more from them? Have we become enablers? I hear a lot of women complain about dating in Atlanta, because the ratio of men/women is so unreal. They always go on to add "And if you add in the ones who are gay, married or gay and married, you really have nothing left! " Have we led ourselves to believe that there are no REAL MEN out there? I know that there are REAL MEN all, I've met a few of them. I would even go so far as to say that there are some REAL MEN who are struggling with the Baby Girls of society. I wonder what that movie would look like. Hmmmm...

Second Chance

A week ago today, I was involved in a terrible car accident. I left a family gathering about 12:00 am, dropped my favorite friend off at home, and headed towards my house. Within 3-4 miles of my house, I turned down a side street that I always take to avoid a traffic light or two. After turning down this street, in the distance, I noticed a pickup truck turn onto the street coming towards me. He swerved back and forth across the middle line. I assumed he would recover. He did not. The next thing I remember was my headlights shining brightly on the side of his truck. I felt a sharp pull, as my body slammed forward and then backwards into my seat. Then I remember seeing white, my airbags had deployed. The pick up truck rolled across perpendicular to my car, over the side of a hill. All I saw was smoke and the tail lights of his car vertically up in the air. I wasn't sure where the smoke was coming from so I got out of the car. I was hysterical. A woman came to me and hugged me and told me over and over again "Sweetheart, it's ok, you are alive! You're ok, you're alive!" Every time I looked at my car, I would start to cry all over again, because I couldn't believe what had just happened or that I even survived it. I kept asking what happened to the other driver. All I could think about was this story about the drunk driver that killed the State Intern. I frantically asked if the other driver was ok. They informed me that he had gotten out and ran on foot from the scene.

A few days later, I went to the tow yard to see if my car was really damaged as much as I thought. This is what is left of my car:

Right in the tow yard, I began to cry again. As I was sooooo grateful to God that he spared me. The car can easily be replaced. I posted the following statement to my Facebook page, along with a picture of my tattered car:

I was involved in a terrible car accident on Saturday evening. I thank God that He chose to spare my life. PLEASE be careful on the roads! Especially late at night. Although, you may be confident in your driving ability, you CANNOT control other drivers. This is what is left of my car. I am so grateful to be ALIVE! Much love to my fam for taking care of me.

One of my Facebook friend's reply, really resonated in my spirit he said:

"Wow[,] God must have some serious work for you to do for the [K]ingdom. That look[s] like a wake up call to me[.]"

Upon retrieving the police report, it turned out that the other driver took out a mailbox on my side of the street before striking me. The registered owner of the car lives about 5 minutes down the street in the direction that the driver was traveling. I could choose to be angry, but I am just grateful that I woke up that morning and every morning since. I still have all of my limbs and I am breathing. Many people are not so fortunate. I have been asking God to bless the other driver, because he obviously survived the impact as well. I just began to think over the past week and how I could've died, 3 minutes away from my home. Would I be pleased with the legacy that I have created thus far. I know that both my mother and my father were my angels that night. I am so grateful for God's omnipotence, because He can see my future and knows that there is still work for me to do here on earth. I feel so incredibly blessed. Thank you God for a second chance!