I wasn't that chic that snuck in the club before I was legal. In fact, the first club I went to was My Brother's Keeper(or whatever it was next) on the westside if I remember correctly and I was home on summer break from college. I remember bumping into a bunch of people from high school and thinking why am I here? But nevertheless I had a great time. All through college I would sporadically indulge in a good club party. We used to frequent a club called The Alley, somewhere between Hampton and Newport News. They had one of those free before...deals. And I was definitely always up for a NORVA party. The first one I went to the Clipse performed. All I remember is lots of drinks and lots of people.
When I returned to Atlanta permanently, it became like a drug to me. I knew where to go on what night, what time, what to wear, who the promoter was and what the drink specials were. I watched to see how they operated, what time the club got hype, what songs ignited the crowd and so on. The club scene is like a psychologist's dream. You have the "I hate my job crew"; "My girl is getting on my nerves so I left my phone in the car crew"; the "It's my birthday let's all get shit faced crew"; the "I'm getting married tomorrow, I can't believe I'm this drunk crew"; the "I just turned 21 at midnight and I don't even know where I am crew"...the list goes on and on. I like to watch and listen. There was rarely a grey area, either a person's outfit was absolutely fabulous or absolutely horrendous. And after you got drunk your ability to tell the difference was much more acute.
I have a mental list of my favorite promoters and clubs. No, I won't list them here. However, the club game is a mean ass hustle. They say free before 11, doors open at 10...then the hold the line til 10:49. Drink specials on cheap, have-a-headache in the morning liquor, sign-up-for-my-e-mail-list-so-you-can-be-V-I-P-after-you-wait-in-line-like-the-rest-of-these-basic-ass-bitches, and I'm gonna beast your email, your facebook and your twitter, more than all the people you know combined together! Then I never get the whole celebrity guest thing. It totally perplexes me. You pay extra to be in general admission at the club with a celebrity who never leaves VIP. I can quote one exception, I was in Los Angeles, about two years ago and David Banner(my baby daddy in my head) came out in the crowd. Other than that, I've never seen it happen. Never seen them buy out the bar, and they rarely perform. I be trying to figure out how does that attract a crowd? Why is Carl Thomas or Sunshine Anderson here? I didn't even know who it was til they sung a bar. Wait, do singers sing bars? Or just rappers? Anyway, why would I pay double to WATCH you pop bottles in VIP?
Most recently, me and my favorite friend tried a new club. After almost fighting on GP with 3 little girls in the long ass line about trying to jump us in line, I entered the spot with a 'tude...yes, a 'tude and yes jump the line. Like seriously, my 3rd graders used to fight over ish like that! The club was hot, smokey and it was the most random demographic I've ever seen. There were dboys "looking like a fool with their pants on the ground", Asian chics jamming to Travis Porter and throwing up the middle finger, white chics, old chics, young chics and everything in between. I NEVER heard my jam...I kept waiting for a "Oh that's my shit" song. I have sooooooo many of them! Never happened. Taco Cabana after the club was the highlight of my evening.
I mean the real issue is I'm too fly to wait in line and too fly to pay for the cut line and too fly to be perspiring, ilk. Too fly for drinks to be spilled on my shoe. Too fly for little boys to rub their hard penises on my ass aka "dancing". Bump it, maybe I'm just too OLD to be at the club...
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