Let me start by saying I love you more than anything on this earth. And I miss you. I haven't forgotten all the promises I've made to you over the years. We only made it to two lighthouses. I promised that we'd see them all. I haven't forgotten that I promised you a house on my estate. Smiles. I miss all the baby babys. I miss your smile. I miss singing "I've got sunshine on a cloudy day, BOMP BOMP BOMP BOMP" and "Father alone". I miss your sense of humor. I miss traveling with you. I miss eating at nice restaurants. I miss all of our inside jokes. I miss being able to talk to you about anything. I miss teaching you the latest dances. I miss running my latest boo by you. I miss you asking for quality time. I miss all of those union conventions. I miss some of those hideous clothes and hairstyles you put me in. I miss "cruising for a bruising." I miss you embarrassing me in public and yelling my name. I miss the Thurgood Marshall booster club. I miss the roaches. I miss the book club you subscribed me to. I miss Carmen San Diego. I miss that monochromatic Apple Computer...you were on to something even back then. I miss how I could never lie to you, cause you could always read my body language. I miss Vera St, Anne E. West and The Ormewood Park festival. I miss you driving me to Hampton my freshman year. I miss you mailing me Frank's Red Hot when I was in college and complaining that the postage cost more than the hot sauce. I miss you telling me that you were disappointed, but you still loved me, even when I messed up. I miss you asking me and my siblings to love each other...We're working on it. I miss Lucille. I miss the Arts Exchange. I miss making Barbie clothes and baby quilts. I miss First Baptist on Gresham Rd across the street from the Kmart. I miss you telling me the angels were crying every time it rained. I miss you making me call my father on Father's Day. I miss you saying "You don't look like me, you look like that ole Wilbert Earl." I miss our contracts. I miss our trips to the theater, symphony and the ballet. I miss you grabbing your leg in fear when I was driving. I miss your hugs and your kisses. I think I really just miss you.
Written September 21, 2009 4:33 am, before my mother even passed. I think something in my spirit knew she was going to go soon. But since my mother's passing, I have learned so much about life and so much about people. I have learned a great deal about who's really for me and who really loves me. People don't realize that their actions speak volumes above anything that they could speak from their mouths.
Last night, or really early this morning, driving home from the Sex and the City 2 premiere, I began to reflect. I am incredibly blessed. Even on my bad days.
I posted the following message and video to my Facebook page:
On the way home I was listening to this song thinking about what an awesome woman my mother was and all the opportunities she afforded to me, past, present and future. Some of you know, but many have no clue, that my mother created a beast...I am ever so grateful to her. Miss you much mommie...I still got you on your estate...XOXO
I know to some, I have yet to "Make it" but I know it's coming. And she knew it was coming, which made it all possible in the first place. I'm ever so grateful to my mother and miss her more and more each day. But at least now I know she'll never miss a beat or have to hear about what I'm doing because she always has a front row seat!
No comments:
Post a Comment