Dear Mommie

Dear Mommie, 
Let me start by saying I love you more than anything on this earth. And I miss you. I haven't forgotten all the promises I've made to you over the years. We only made it to two lighthouses. I promised that we'd see them all. I haven't forgotten that I promised you a house on my estate. Smiles. I miss all the baby babys. I miss your smile. I miss singing "I've got sunshine on a cloudy day, BOMP BOMP BOMP BOMP" and "Father alone". I miss your sense of humor. I miss traveling with you. I miss eating at nice restaurants. I miss all of our inside jokes. I miss being able to talk to you about anything. I miss teaching you the latest dances. I miss running my latest boo by you. I miss you asking for quality time. I miss all of those union conventions. I miss some of those hideous clothes and hairstyles you put me in. I miss "cruising for a bruising." I miss you embarrassing me in public and yelling my name. I miss the Thurgood Marshall booster club. I miss the roaches. I miss the book club you subscribed me to. I miss Carmen San Diego. I miss that monochromatic Apple Computer...you were on to something even back then. I miss how I could never lie to you, cause you could always read my body language. I miss Vera St, Anne E. West and The Ormewood Park festival. I miss you driving me to Hampton my freshman year. I miss you mailing me Frank's Red Hot when I was in college and complaining that the postage cost more than the hot sauce. I miss you telling me that you were disappointed, but you still loved me, even when I messed up. I miss you asking me and my siblings to love each other...We're working on it. I miss Lucille. I miss the Arts Exchange. I miss making Barbie clothes and baby quilts. I miss First Baptist on Gresham Rd across the street from the Kmart. I miss you telling me the angels were crying every time it rained. I miss you making me call my father on Father's Day. I miss you saying "You don't look like me, you look like that ole Wilbert Earl." I miss our contracts. I miss our trips to the theater, symphony and the ballet. I miss you grabbing your leg in fear when I was driving. I miss your hugs and your kisses. I think I really just miss you. 

Written September 21, 2009 4:33 am, before my mother even passed.  I think something in my spirit knew she was going to go soon.  But since my mother's passing, I have learned so much about life and so much about people.  I have learned a great deal about who's really for me and who really loves me.  People don't realize that their actions speak volumes above anything that they could speak from their mouths.  


Last night, or really early this morning, driving home from the Sex and the City 2 premiere, I began to reflect.  I am incredibly blessed.  Even on my bad days.  
I posted the following message and video to my Facebook page:

On the way home I was listening to this song thinking about what an awesome woman my mother was and all the opportunities she afforded to me, past, present and future. Some of you know, but many have no clue, that my mother created a beast...I am ever so grateful to her. Miss you much mommie...I still got you on your estate...XOXO

I know to some, I have yet to "Make it" but I know it's coming.  And she knew it was coming, which made it all possible in the first place.  I'm ever so grateful to my mother and miss her more and more each day.  But at least now I know she'll never miss a beat or have to hear about what I'm doing because she always has a front row seat!

6P's: A Lesson for Life

Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance...boy does it... 
Team project
In my master's degree program, I was assigned a team project to create a simple business plan.  My class is 10 weeks long.   In week 3, I proposed that my team begin working on the team project, no one budged.  On Sunday, of week 6, the first week allotted to our team project, a team member sent out an email saying that she wasn't trying to be pushy, but we should get in our team work plan, as required by our instructor.  She had drafted one and we elected her as team coordinator.  As this part of the assignment was due by midnight.  It was an awful struggle to get things done via cyberspace.  Some people didn't read or return emails, some were seemingly illiterate and some just didn't write well.  We turned our final assignment in at 10:15 on Sunday.  A little proud that we got it in before the deadline.  We received the grade of 89.  Most of my friends were congratulating me, but I had an attitude.  Yes, I need to learn how to work with groups, but this was my teacher's feedback:

Team 7,
Creative idea.  
I was expecting to see a detailed budget as well as your survey and raw data in an appendix.  I'm not clear how (of if) you used your survey to help shape your ideas about the project.
I'm not sure whether you took all costs into account.  Your programming costs are grossly under estimated.  I didn't see estimates for servers and other necessary hardware.  I also didn't see discussion of employees and salaries, benefits, payroll taxes, workers comp. etc.  It takes a lot more than a creative idea to run a profitable business.
Thanks for the honest reflections.  I didn't see a listing of who did what.
Take another look at APA format for your reference list.    


I got mad.  Because she was right.  If we had allotted ourselves enough time to complete the project, including time to account for people not responding, perhaps, we could have done a more thorough job.  We received an 89, however, my teacher starts with a basic 85 and adds or deducts points based on the quality of your assignment.  My team was due 4 points for an extra credit assignment.  Meaning our paper was just average.  UNACCEPTABLE...Grrrr! I don't make a habit of being average.  But I can't control other people, I can only control me.  But if I could've controlled them, I would've.  lol. However, now I know for next time, to follow my instincts.

Strategic Life Plan
Probably about two years ago at my church, my pastor did a sermon on something along the lines of "Dream, Plan and Execute."  He talked about how people always have these big dreams, and sometimes they are great ideas, but that it's very seldom that we plan or execute them.  At the end of the service, he provided a link to a document on our website.  The document was called "The Strategic Life Plan Template."  Inside this template, you are asked to start by listing the things that are most important to you in your life.  Next, you establish goals based on your priorities.  Lastly, you develop an action plan.  Concrete steps AND deadlines that will help you reach your goals.  Even with this great tool, I've found that at times I lack exactly what my pastor said, which is the discipline to plan and/or execute.
The Business Plan
I have several businesses that I want to pursue in the future.  As I approach my 30th birthday, these ideas and the ability to see them from conception to fruition is becoming increasingly important to me.  As evidenced through my participation in my class project.  There are so many things that are frequently omitted from business plans and cause small businesses to fail.  I am so grateful to have learned so much, but also understand the great task ahead in creating solid business plans that will allow me to run my businesses efficiently.
Financial Plan
I have been on unemployment since the end of September.  It has certainly been a struggle.  Especially with me being the type of female that likes to do what she wants to do when she wants to do it.  I am very social, I like to party and eat out.  I am finding that financial planning is even more important now to effectively utilize my resources.  I am trying to discipline myself now, so when I do become successful, I won't blow it all.  Just a thought.

Weird Dream

I just had the weirdest dream that I was napping and someone was knocking on my door.  I don't answer uninvited guests, so I didn't answer the door.  Apparently, I already had company, because I was showing them where a friend's daughter had come over and written on my wall in pencil and erased only part of it, and I was livid about it.  I doze off and wake up again to use the bathroom.  Then I wake up again and realize that I'm still in the bed really releasing.  So, I freak out and scramble to try to get to the bathroom.  And then I wake up dry, really having to use the bathroom.  Of course I had to know what this meant.  So this is what I found on
www.Dreammoods.com:
To dream that you are urinating, symbolizes a cleansing and release of negative or repressed emotions. Depending on your dream context, urination is symbolic of having or lacking basic control of your life.


Weird...Any other insight?

When I to need humbled....There's Hope by India Arie

Closer-Goapele...My relaxation song...

Still I Rise by Maya Angelou

My mother was a HUGE Maya Angelou fan.  


Still I Rise
-Maya Angelou


You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise. 

Where they do that at?

I was on Twitter a few days ago...Yes, Twitter...and I saw someone respond to the trending topic "#IfIwasurwoman". She said "#IfIwasurwoman my car would always be clean," or something to that effect. My mind started to wander again...I remember the days when men had some real pride about relationships and felt like they needed to be the provider and protector of their woman. That thought was followed by where they do that at?

Seriously? I have had boyfriends who kept my car clean, if I needed an oil change, I never knew, held doors, wanted to take you to a dinner and a movie, wanted to stay up all night on the phone, wanted to try to impress you, wanted to buy you nice things, maybe even pay a bill or two. But as of late, I met a lot of PEOPLE(men and women), who are after one of two things: Sex or money...if not both.

I was having this same conversation with a gentleman friend the other day, and he looked at me and said "Do people love anymore?...What happened to staying married for 50 years?" I'm almost for certain I replied "Where they do that at?" I would assume partly because I am so social and I am in the clubs more than the average person, that it really seems like people are trying to get you before you get them. Like they really go into every new friendship/relationship/acquaintance with a "What can I get out of this person?" mentality. It's like a viral plague taking over!

I am trying to figure out where are the guys that take the trash out? And change light bulbs? The ones that don't want you out by yourself after dark? The ones that want to show you they can cook and keep a house clean? Where they do that at? Do men even get their hands dirty anymore?

On the flipside, there are a lot of "Boss Chics" who pride themselves in "pimping niggas." Sigh...They are usually just as broke as the dudes they claim to be pimping. Don't own nothing, rent their apartment, leasing or borrowing a car in someone else's name. We put all of that into the universe and then say "Woe is me, why is it so hard to find a great mate?" Don't make that man take you out ALL the time...some days stay home and cook! Talk to each other! Don't ask for Louis bags, ask for stocks! Upgrade EACH OTHER!

Where they do that at?

I'll let you know when I find out...