QOTD- F.E.A.R. is False Evidence Appearing Real

We've all heard this before. Probably numerous times. I realized this week that I've been holding on to an unrealistic fear of a man in my life. I am one of the many that is guilty of saying I have faith and also worrying. The fact of the matter is that they CANNOT coexist. More importantly, as I've seen a million and one times, we tend to ATTRACT the things we fear the most. My car accident was a prime example. I would fantasize about being in a car accident. I was always referring to my vehicle as "that damn car". So pretty much I attracted that accident. I've made a conscious decision though to live faithfully and without fear. Because I am worthy and God ALWAYS takes care of me. The things we fear are not real!

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QOTD-"Where you are in life, is a DIRECT result of your OWN efforts"

I'm sure this has been said by some famous person, at some other point in time with probably different wording...however, the fact still remains. It is barely a new day, only 1:12 am, but I felt the need to share. I am guilty of always wanting instant gratification. I get the whole reaping what sow, but haven't fully grasped the whole concept of, "in a different season". I read somewhere yesterday, if you plant corn today and go back tomorrow, you won't have anything, but in it's season the seed is multiplied. I suppose it also requiress being more "faithful" than "fearful". As my pastor would say "Check my resume, didn't I bring you through the last time?!?!" My/I=God. And I have learned that God will not ALLOW you to move forward unless you are obedient. It takes EFFORT. Don't find yourself being angry, envious or bitter because of someone else's greener grass. Learn how to nurture and be satisfied with what you have. Because the things God has for you are only for you. Stop the blame game. If you haven't accepted responsibility for your life, start today. God is patient, He's been waiting on you.

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QOTD-"The end is just a new beginning"

Today I got upset in my group counseling session because a woman was talking about how lost she felt after losing her mom because she depended on her so much. Then someone said to me "The end is just a new beginning. Don't get so caught up in the end that you miss the positive things that begin to happen." Funny, last year my pastor preached the same topic in a sermon. Later the same day while out shopping I found the attached picture...Funny how God will get messages to u thru other people.

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Lebron's Nike Commercial

Do you!

I have always been a huge Kanye fan. From way back when in 2003, when he released Through the wire. As a big fan of hip hop, I followed his story of how he was signed to the Roc, but involved in a nearly fatal car accident and came out rapping.

I was cheering for Kanye then, he could've given up, but he didn't.

Seemingly soon thereafter, the shenanigans started, with Kanye's outburst during the 2005 floods of New Orleans, Louisiana.

But the reality of the situation is that Kanye simply said what most people were sitting at home thinking. He was bold and courageous enough to express himself in a passionate manner. What good are those conversations when they are behind closed doors with our peers. And as the phrase goes, "Talk is cheap." We do a lot of talking as a society and rarely follow it up with ACTION.

A couple of years later, Kanye lost his mother. I could empathize with him as I cared for my ailing mother. My mother was my best friend and my rock. I swear I grieved with Kanye. My favorite bar in the song Put on (Young Jeezy ft Kanye West)

I lost the only girl in the world that knows me best

However, from my perspective, Kanye murdered the whole verse!

Since my mother's passing, I know cry when I hear that song. But once again, I felt him.

Two years later....

I can't front, I feel for Taylor, but we all know we were sitting at home once again, saying the EXACT same thing Kanye said.

I am in a very sincere place of introspection. I have been conditioned, as we all have for years and years and years. Don't show emotion. Don't do this, do that. This is appropriate, this is not. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if we were just left be? I often speak about my alter ego, The Fabulous Ms. Cat. She is simply a personification of who Heather wishes she was brave enough to be. She is the "Kanye" side of my personality. But to be honest, I love her! I loved her pink hair and her leotard. When I watched Runaway, I was INSPIRED. I was even amused by the interview with Sway...Kanye was himself...how dope is that? How freeing is that? However, when I asked people what they thought of the video..."He's too cocky." "He's Illuminati" WTH? Where'd y'all get that from? I think somewhere in the video, Selita makes a comment about how uncomfortable our society is with things/people that are different....with that being said, I think it takes a lot of courage, to simply be yourself...no holds barred.

Here's the link to the Sway interview.

I think Kanye may have been fortunate enough to have learned that it is okay to be who you are innately. You will forever be jacked up in life if you listen to society's standard of who are you, or should be...As my mother used to say "You can't please everybody all the time." It's so true, you'd drive yourself crazy. Kind of that opinions are like assholes type deal...The same people who ask not to be judged will be the first to judge you. Classic conditioning...it's so scary...My mother gave me structure, but also gave me room to be me, whenever I figured out what that meant. I appreciate her for that. I look at like Jay-z, reportedly he's Illuminati too. Why? Because he's extremely talented and paid? Cuz he came from Marcy, he has to be something not of this world to be successful? Same thing with Wayne and Nicki...people steady talking junk, but someone's buying the music! Why do people even care? I just don't listen to the people I don't like....I think that's simple enough....We find the most trivial reasons to not like someone, when all we are doing is exposing our own insecurities. But that's another blog...

He's at it again...I so applaud his genius

Awesome shoes

I just saw these shoes in New York magazine, had to post...enjoy!

And God said "I'm ready when you are."

My work in progress pile...months old...although mostly repairs.

The light at the end of the tunnel...my office in my mother's former bedroom.

As a child, I was always into fashion magazines. I was subscribed to and avidly read Vogue and Seventeen when I was nine, probably even before that. I would fantasize about how fabulous and glamorous my life would be as an adult. I'd also get ideas for my Barbie clothes. I'd actually sew clothes for my Barbies by hand, out of my mother's scrap material which was always in abundant supply in my house. God whispered "I'm ready when you are."

When it came time for me to go to college, I was trying to cover all of my bases and thought about degrees in both the areas of, fashion, because it was always my first love, and business, as I was in an international business program at my high school. I received the admissions paperwork to Parsons, read it over and over again, and chose to attend Hampton, the safer of the two options. God again said "I'm ready when you are." I went to Hampton starting off as an accounting major and finishing as a psychology major. I struggled with accounting. Now it makes sense to me, that wasn't where I was supposed to be. Yet, the experience was invaluable and I learned a lot about people, myself and the world as a whole through my experience at Hampton. That was where I was supposed to be to get the message that I needed for that moment.

I graduated from Hampton and moved home to help out with my ill mother. Having developed a love for children, I took a position in New Jersey working for a non-traditional after school program. I loved the job! It was soooo much fun and allowed me to tap into my creative side. However, unfortunately, soon, my mother's condition worsened and I felt urged to move home to be closer to her. I remember shortly thereafter, my friend graduated with her bachelor's degree and we took a trip to the mountains and stayed in a cabin there for a weekend. I spent the whole time sewing a hand bag by hand out of some supplies I'd found at home to busy myself. And God said "I'm ready when you are." I finished that handbag and made several more in an attempt to fill my idle days with something creative. Somewhere between partying, boyfriends and caring for my mom, I let that dream go. I remember going through my mother's belongings in an attempt to purge our home which was jam-packed and rather resembled a storage unit rather than a home. I found piles and piles and bags and bags of fabric. In addition to those piles of raw fabric, I found items where my mother had cut the fabric out of a pattern, pinned it together, and if she'd taken about another ten minutes of sewing, it would have been a great garment. And God said "I'm ready when you are." At that point in my life, I was feeling a lot of emotions; fear, confusion, frustration, loneliness, depression, etc. I gave some of the fabric away and committed the ultimate sin with the rest...I threw it all away in frustration.

Last summer, I was at a party, with some people I went to the mountain cabin with. One of them asked "Is that one of your designs?" in reference to the bag I was carrying. I presume, I could've easily designed it myself, however, it was one that I had had the audacity to actually purchase. With her unintentional, yet inspirational words, I found myself back in the fabric store rummaging the sales bins and looking for rhinestones and sequins-I love all things sparkly. I would get excited about the fabrics and all the possibilities that could result from raw fabric. And God said "I'm ready when you are." Now, I had began arguing with God, "I mean, I could be in here sewing everyday like YOU asked me to, but how am I going to support myself?" I had millions of excuses for why I couldn't. I had just been let go from my job, had very little to do or places to be and decided, why not sew? Shortly thereafter, my unemployment kicked in and I had a source of income. I would dream about clothes. I had purchased a sketchbook and colored pencils specifically for trying to replicate my visions on paper. I spent a great deal of time sewing and designing. Then my mother got sick. And I spent all of my time worrying. Eventually she got better and returned to her nursing home, only to die a few months later.

My mother was so much a part of my world and who I am as a person. She gave my life purpose, because everything I did, I did for her. I remember talking to her shortly before she passed and her asking me if I'd found a job yet. "No, not yet, mommie. I'd been thinking about taking some sewing classes, and trying to pursue my fashion design." She suggested that I look into classes by Singer, as she'd taken some as a young adult. And God said "I'm ready when you are." After my mother's death, I found myself in a deep depression, not wanting to do much of anything. I wasn't quite sure what I was supposed to be doing. I spent so much time assuring that my mom was ok that I felt lost without her. I began to ask God, "What do you want me to do? Just tell me which way to go!" At first I was calm about it, as God and I always had pleasant exchanges, but as time wore on, I began to get angry. I was so in touch spiritually and usually did a good job of interpreting God's messages, except now He wasn't saying anything. I've been blogging about my desire to do fashion, talking to friends about it, I've even talked to STRANGERS about it, yet, I haven't moved in that direction yet.

Last night, as I was having my nightly conversation, also known as, prayer with God, the conversation went like this...well, actually it was more of a monologue:

"God, I keep asking you which way you want me to go, what you want me to do, and you aren't saying anything!"

"Does that mean you want me to be still?"

"I've been still for the past year and a half...I'm ready to do something!"

"I need to busy my time, so I can stop being so depressed about losing my mother and my car accident."

"God?"

"Oh wait! I get it now...I know exactly what you're doing."

"YOU are being STILL because you already told me what to do."

"You think you're pretty clever, huh?"

"I suppose you want me to do the fashion thing huh? Tired of me talking about it?"

Silence....

And God said "I'm ready when you are."

The Dream Giver

I've been reading the book, The Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinson. I, like so many others, find myself feeling like the main character in the book, Ordinary. Last week, I was expressing my frustration with not quite being sure which path to take in my life to my friend who gave me the book...God was working through her. During the course of the week, I spoke to my sweetheart, my best friend and a few other aquaintances about my desire to be a fashion designer. Every single person encouraged me to pursue it. My sweetie actually replied "If that's what you've always wanted to do and it will make you happy, you should do it. Like it was really just that simple. It's been my dream since I was a little girl. In fact when I applied to go to Hampton, I really wanted to go to Parsons for Fashion Design, but was told it was too frivolous and I would need something to "fall back on." So here I am 10 years later and the fashion design dream is resurrecting in my spirit. A few days ago, I went to a random part of town to pick up a new cell phone. I went into Panera Bread company for lunch. That wasn't even part of my plan for the day, as I had other errands to run. I sat at the table alone, playing with my new toy and taking bites of my food in between. The most random lady walked up to me totally unnoticed and said "I see you have a new toy." I looked up and smiled an embarassed smile before replying "Yes, I do." She went on to tell me about her techie sons who were ironically around the same age as myself. One works for Pixar in California and the other a freelance artist of some sort. She asked what I did when I wasn't having lunch in Panera. I explained that I am currently a full-time student pursuing my MBA. She sounded so excited and asked to sit down. I would've offered, but I suppose I was so stunned that the conversation was even occuring. She asked what I wanted to do with my MBA, I explained that I wanted to take a stab at fashion design, but felt that having business expertise would allow me to create a better foundation and a successful business. She then began to tell me about her friend's daughter who had her wedding dress designed by a young lady who was creating designs at no cost to build her portfolio. She said the daughter had to fly to NY for the fittings, but that the dress turned out beautiful. How remarkable? I tell her that I want to apply for Parsons next fall. Her face lit up again. She said that she owned her own graphic design business and that most of the people in her family were artistic. She went on to add that Parsons was an excellent school and that I should apply. Before leaving, we exchanged numbers and she promised to pass my information along to the fashion designer in NY who had created the wedding dress. Now if that isn't confirmation, I don't know what is. :-)

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When it rains it pours...

I'm very big on God speaking to us through other people, situations, etc. I went to visit my mother's grave for the for time by myself yesterday. I was very nervous, but glad that I went. This is her gravemarker, it was the first time that I'd seen it since it had been done about a month ago.

In addition, I found out recently that a former classmate of mine died in a car accident. Her funeral was this past Saturday. I was very sad to hear of her death. She was a very sweet spirit and I felt like I'd just seen her recently. Between that and the visit to my mother's grave, I have been very reflective. I had a car accident a couple of months ago and survived. I'd been saying that God must have some big plans for me, because the other driver left me for dead. I have been feeling a little overwhelmed lately and decided in an effort to gather myself, I'd treat myself to a staycation. Upon entering my hotel room, I noticed that the faucet in the bathroom was running...I went to it and tried to turn it off, but it just kept going. I couldn't find the proper position to make it stop leaking. I'd eaten what I bought for dinner, but a few hours later, I found myself hungry again and decided to walk to the Ruby Tuesdays nearby. I ordered a Patron margarita and everything I thought that I wanted to eat. As I looked at the bill surprised that I'd spent so much on just me eating. I was grateful. That I had the money to purchase whatever I wanted. Not to long ago, there was a time when I was eating Ramen noodles everyday. Purposefully walking back to my room, I walked past The Art Institute of Atlanta. I was intrigued by the window displays, the fabrics and the mannequins...the sign that read "Fashion & Retail Management." Anyone who knows me knows that I LOVE fashion and it has been my dream since childhood to be a fashion designer. I visited with a friend yesterday who gave me the book, "The Dreamgiver" by Bruce Wilkinson. I feel like all of this is a sign. My dream came to me again for a reason. Now, "Night at the Roxbury" is on, reminding me of my dream to be a club owner. On the way back, I looked up, and noticed there was a full moon. I walked back to my room and once again looked at the leaking faucet. It wasn't just dripping. It was pouring out of the faucet. For some reason I looked at it and felt like it was a metaphor for my life. God is pouring so much positivity into my life. I am incredibly sad in my life, because I miss my mother so much. However, that leaky faucet was a sign to me that God hasn't left me and He will continue to pour a blessing into my life....Thank God! Amen.

Patsy Smith Owens Celebration of Life

Pat Owens, 66, devoted volunteer to library, school | ajc.com

Pat Owens, 66, devoted volunteer to library, school | ajc.com

Patsy Smith Owens April 6, 1943-December 28, 2009

OWENS, Patsy Mrs. Patsy Smith Owens, of Decatur, departed this life on Monday, December 28, 2009, following an extended illness. She was born April 6, 1943, in Franklin County. The only child of Mr. Albert Smith and Mrs. Johnelle Thomas Smith. Mrs. Owens retired from the U.S. Postal Service and served as a Job Steward and Director of Human relations for the Local 32 of the American Postal Workers Union for a number of years. She also was an active leader in her East Atlanta and Ormewood Park Communities. Funeral services for Mrs. Patsy Smith Owens, will be held Saturday, January 2, 2010; 1:00 P.M. at Salem Missionary Baptist Church 4700 Church Street, N.W. Lilburn. Rev. Dr. Richard B. Haynes, Pastor, Officiating. The remains will be placed in state at 11:00 A.M. Interment Alta Vista Cemetery Gainesville. She leaves to mourn one son, Dennis Owens, Jr., of Buffalo, NY; two daughters, Karen Smith Haynes, of Lawrenceville and Heather Brooke Owens, of Decatur; five grandchildren, Amanda Haynes-Ford and Valerie Ann Haynes, of Lawrenceville, Demarcus Owens, of Atlanta, Isaiah Owens and Anthony Owens, of Buffalo, NY; three great grandchildren, Destiny Haynes, Xavier Ford, and Makenna Ford, of Lawrenceville; and a host of other relatives and friends.

Misery

I used to love listening to my thoughts,
Until they filled with you
And you're gone...
My angel on earth and now in heaven
I used to love being unpredictable until it became predictable
Now what am I supposed to do with me?
U were my counselor, whether I listened or not,
My rock, my best friend, my strength
And now I have to discern the real from the fake when they all seem unreal next to you
How am I supposed to live life without you?
Your smile was the reason the sun rose and set
I was only playing when I said no grandkids, dang...could've given me a few more years to figure out life...
I keep telling myself it's bittersweet, I'm glad she's not suffering...which is true...
But now I am...

Say What?

So, apparently looks are everything. I would think in the midst of our current "recession" people would take their jobs a little more seriously. I am currently in the market for a new (well another) vehicle. My best friend has been helping me with the process of looking. He scooped me yesterday, so that we could go out and look at some cars. When he was trying to decide what to change into, he jokingly said "Maybe I should put on a 3-piece suit." To which I replied, "Why would you do that? It's 1,000 degrees outside." He opted for a nice tee, jeans, sneakers and a baseball cap. Before I go too far, let me create a visual: Him-brown-skin, 5'10, dread locks a little past his shoulders, dressed in the aforementioned attire. Myself-brown-skin, 5'6, short short black hair that's hot pink on top, a basic v neck sundress and flip flops. In my defense, we hadn't planned to go look at cars when I left my house, so I didn't change.

We arrived at the first dealership, misled by a Ford Fusion that said "$4, 667" in big bright letters. Only to discover that in tiny letters next to it there were the letters "off". We were walking to the car to double check the price when we were chased down by a salesman. He steered me to a 2002 Ford Taurus, 41,000 miles, they wanted $5,900. Best friend talked me into the test-driving it. I could live with it, but I didn't particularly LOVE it, so we took the man's information and went on to another lot.

We looked first for the used car lot, parked, and waited to see who would come out first. As we exited the car, a salesman on the way back into the building shot me a quick "Wassup?" with a head nod up like he was my homeboy. To which I replied "Hi." I'm grown, are you not at work? We start to randomly walk through the lot, checking out the price range and variety of the cars. Here comes Lil Darryl...At first glance, I thought he was being funny and pimp walking out to us, until I realized that he was apparently disabled and had a legitimate limp. Although, I am willing to bet that he has learned to play it off.

"Whatchall looking for? Sump en bout ten fif-teen thousand?" Bestie replies, "Nah, lower, y'all have anything about $5k?" Salesman "Nah, partner we got that Taurus out there (yes, another Taurus) for bout $6k, that's the closest you gone get." Now, I'm staring at him trying to figure out why he's so comfortable talking to us like that. My friend thanks him to which dude replies "Aight den folk" and walks away. Of course observant me noticed that he has a big burn hole in the back of his pants. I'm trying to figure out how he got the job! And, how was he at work all day with a hole in his pants, talking to customers. Sigh...

To the next dealership...We find the used car lot and get out. Here comes Carl. He looks a bronzy peach color like he'd been in Florida in the sun on the beach for the past 30 days non-stop. He introduces himself, he's extra excited to see us and promises to send out the used car rep. Out comes Paul. He sashays his way over to us. I'm watching him confused because he had on a baseball cap and silver tinted aviator shades (although it's overcast), and he never took them off while speaking to us. We tell him what we're looking for, he says "You should try a Mom and Pop dealership, because all of our stuff is at least $10k." All of his words were slurred, but I was convinced that it was not a speech impediment, but that Paul may have been a little tipsy. Apparently their dealership had just opened in that location yesterday, which explained every one's overly cheerful disposition. But I am afraid that Paul may have had one too many.

To the next dealership. This one was my favorite. The Nissan dealership. Everyone knows I LOVE Nissans! I've never driven anything but Nissan Cars. Out walks Anthony. Anthony is QUITE the character. At first, he's talking to my bestie. I say nothing. I know salesmen pitch differently to women. First he tries to sell him a Z. *rolls eyes* I suppose we were looking Fancy to him...They talk as a glance over a Murano again...LOVE that car. We circle the lot getting a feel for what they have and the prices. Anthony doesn't miss a beat...I feel like I can't even talk because one, he won't shut up and two, he interjects like he HAS to be part of our dialogue. Best friend points out that one of the cars needs some work. Anthony flips the script on us! All of a sudden he has thick New York accent, I am giving him the side eye staring in disbelief..."Yeah, you know what I'm saying they be slacking down there in detailing. I be having to get on them sometimes. You know you tell me what you want, I handle alldat for you. You know what I'm saying? I be like 'Yo! My mans said he want it like this! Handle dat, B!'" Now I'm laughing out loud, because Anthony doesn't know me or my friend from a can of paint! I am sooooo glad and he should be glad, that neither of us were the person who signs his paychecks! Is this what customer service has been relegated to? Bestie is on the phone talking to someone about a car, and so Anthony goes in for the kill. "So miss, what you looking for? I saw you eyeing that Murano. You look like a convertible type girl." I'm giving him the look as I construct my reply in my head. After a few seconds I reply "He's the decision maker, I'll get whatever he buys." To which he replies "Yeah, I know" (how could he know, because that was such a lie) he goes on "but you seem like you might be able to persuade him in a certain direction if you see something you like." I probably made a face, in my head I know I did, before replying, "No, he's pretty stubborn to negotiate with, but thanks." Poor little me...Bestie ends his phone call and eyes to me "You ready?" I nod yes and Anthony is still talking although we are not, "So,what's the best number to reach you, just in case I find something real fly for y'all I can give you a call?" Bestie offers his information and we're allowed to leave. Wow...lol

When I started my first job, we were told that people who worked for the company would come in plain clothes and buy things from us, just to check out our customer service. You could be fired instantly, if you didn't handle something properly. So, I learned early the value of the customer experience. I find more often in a variety of establishments, that unfortunately, customer service is lacking. Why is that? People are still spending their money! I'm one of those funny people that won't buy anything from your store if you don't speak to me first. You NEVER know who you're talking to. That dressed down person may or may not be the person who signs your paychecks. When did people stop being professional? I know Anthony doesn't interact with Caucasian customers that same way he interacted with us. I was very offended. We are both highly intelligent people. What is the world coming to?

Dangerously In Love...

If you ask me I'm ready...

He loves me...

The Great American Apparel Diet

So, while loading the yahoo browser to check some email, I noticed an interesting link on the homepage "Do you need a clothing fast?" I curiously began to click link after link until I arrived to this page www.TheGreatAmericanApparelDiet.com, as though God himself had led me there by the hand. The website stipulates:

Join at Anytime

The Great American Apparel Diet, no limits on portion size! Wear as much as you like (as long as it’s not new). Devour your closet until you are satisfied, not stuffed. Chomp through your drawers until you are brimming not bloated. Within days you will feel lighter, brighter and more confident. In one small year (that’s 365 days, 8760 hours) you will be satiated without the unwanted weight of debt, overstuffed closets and apparel hangovers. Start September 1st—your wallet and your sanity will thank you.

Late Starters Caveat: If you want to jump on the bandwagon feel free to do it at any time before August 1, 2010. But, the end is August 31, 2010 regardless of when you start.

What you can and cannot consume on the Great American Apparel Diet

Let’s first discuss the things you can guzzle without guilt:

1. Clothes currently in your closet, on hooks, in your drawers or on your floors. Go crazy, gobble them up as long as they are not new. Allow me to dissect the semantics of the word “new.” New is anything that resembles a complex carbohydrate (something you pay for). An item is “not new,” if it something a person gives you. Now, this can be complicated for you late night snackers who don’t think midnight calories count. Do not–you cannot write a check to your husband or best friend and give them instructions or a wish list for your “must haves.” Those calories do technically count and once you go there you’re off the wagon and you’re likely to roll chubb-ily downhill.
2. Footwear (technically boots that morph into a skirt are suspect and are considered apparel).
3. Accessories. I will refer to Webster on this one: Noun: An article or set of articles of dress, as gloves, earrings, or a scarf, that adds completeness, attractiveness, etc. to one’s basic outfit.
4. Underwear—every girl should have a great pair of clean underwear on at all times and I will say no more.

Now let’s discuss those nasty items that are sure to leave you bloated and disgusted with yourself:

1. New clothes, the ones you pay money for (this includes outerwear, athletic wear and Halloween costumes).

If you would like to join please send a picture and brief bio (see bios of bloggers on this site for inspiration) to info@sallyreps.com and we will gladly set you up with your username, pasword and adminstrative login site. Remember, only serious dieters need apply.

I will officially start August 1, 2010. *runs off to shop* Winks!

Can we be lovers and friends?

I am a firm believer that every person comes into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I've met plenty of reasons, a few seasons and even fewer lifetimes. We always want to meet that person that is our lifetime love...but myself like Whitney often asks, HOW WILL I KNOW? I have a homegirl who is the queen of the rebuttal "sounds good." So, when some dude or chick is selling you swamp land in Florida, it probably sounds good until you realize you can't build on it.

A friend and I were talking recently and I told them "I'm scared that the person I envision either doesn't exist or I'll be so burnt out by the time they come along, that I don't recognize it and miss a blessing." I went on to say "If I were to be with someone it would have to be a kindred spirit, that didn't feel like work, but knew me well enough to understand the things I didn't say. #wheretheydothatat?" My friend expressed that they totally understood my thought process, but how many people are walking around doing the same thing, simply being afraid after being hurt many times over? My friends always tell me "When you're ready" What the hell does that mean? In my mind I've been ready, I just never attract EXACTLY or even close to what I'm looking for. I really want to fall in love, not stupid... or fall in lust.

I had a friend express an interest, that I would never have been brave enough to explore, so I applaud that person. TOTALLY. But why are we both scared. And as a friend, I totally trust the person, but I'm a little leery at anything beyond a platonic relationship. Why do we take ourselves through these changes? I expressed to my friend that I have a real problem with the concept of "relationships." Because of course you and your mate define what YOUR relationship is, but it's so easy to fall into the rut or routine of what a "relationship" is supposed to look like. I personally would like mine to look like what Jay and Beyonce's look like their relationship is like. We'll never know because we're not them, but they seem to be very good friends who enjoy each other's company. I am feeling that. When you have someone who loves and respects you for being you, you can save all of the bull, but you also run the risk of losing a great friend...According to my own words I'd rather have a GREAT friend than a "boyfriend"/"husband." Hmmm...Can we be lovers and friends?

Definitely FANCY...

America's Best Cities for Singles

Another Interesting Read...

America's Best Cities
for Singles

Atlanta Ranks as # 16 on the list of 30 cities with the suggestion that you "hang out at the airport and say you're waiting for a connecting flight." That's encouraging!

Queen Latifah on Larry King Live

I watched this last night and it was one of those things that came right when I needed it. Take a look:

http://podcasts.cnn.net/cnn/big/podcasts/lkl/video/2010/07/10/lkl.queen.latifah.podcast.cnn.m4v

I love how eloquent, yet down-to-earth she is. Enjoy!

Corporate Thug?

Last weekend, I spent time with a friend that I knew in college. The whole time we were in college depending on who I was talking to when he came around, the scene was always the same. They would lean in close to me and whisper, "Hey, you think David is gay?" into my ear, and I would reply with a Kanye shrug, although according to my gaydar, I would say so. He is extremely articulate, very manicured, and just didn't seem to be visibly excited by the female physique as were his male counterparts. We had never had a real opportunity to talk, because I was one of his friend's girlfriend. So, when he appeared to be so delighted to see me, I wasn't sure how to take that. If it was attraction, curiosity, or maybe he was just happy to see me. We shared a meal or two together and we were able to dig into each other's psyche. He told me, "I don't like you, you're like a cat, you can see into people's soul." My nickname (Catwoman aka Ms. Cat) seems to take on greater meaning the older I get. However, by talking to him, I realized he wasn't gay, he was just different. Oftentimes, different scares us and we give it other names to make ourselves feel better. One night I slept in the bed with him and he didn't even look at me funny. The old me would've said he had to be gay...does he realize how fine I am? Smiles...However, the new me sooooo appreciated the respect that this grown man had for me. We, as women, say that's what we want, but then settle for less. Wow, I am learning, huh?

I had brunch with a friend recently, and we were discussing, my growing process and how I'm learning what I like and what I don't like. And more importantly learning how to express what I need and what is unacceptable...and not feeling guilty for being so expressive. She said what I'd thought before, that possibly I am intimidating. Smiles, I of course don't think that I am. But I know that I give off a "Dude, I don't need you!" type vibe that is probably off-putting to any dude who wants to be needed. But I don't...And I guess in my mind, I want someone who is secure enough in himself that he isn't threatened by my sometimes seemingly cockiness. As we continued to talk I said well, I try to interact with a variety of people, that's how you figure out what works for you. I used to LOVE a thug. I'm not afraid to admit it, I mean white tee boys were my thing. They at least looked the part. Sorta...they looked like money, because they would gladly pull a stack or two out of their pocket at any given moment. If they didn't have it, they could go get it. But after a while, I discovered that it wasn't that serious, nor was it any fun to be ALWAYS looking over my shoulder or making sure I wasn't followed home. I've also tried the preppy, button down type dudes. They don't seem to do anything for me either. I can't be with anyone who thinks he's flyer than me! They rarely seem to want to do any of the adventurous stuff I'm into, like the skydiving or horseback riding or I don't know, anything that requires them to get dirty. So, according to my girl, I need a corporate thug. One of my favorite songs started to play in my head...maybe she's onto something...

Last night, I went out with yet another guy who I was not sure if he was gay or just different. You know you never want to ask and totally disrespect or offend someone who didn't know he was giving off "gay tendencies". This guy totally blew my mind though. He so expanded my thinking and was on the same page as me as far as a lot of things and I didn't have explain or rationale my stance, because he already understood. Good stuff! I hadn't even intended on hanging out so long, but we were having a good conversation, so I didn't mind. We had a couple glasses of wine and shared a slice of cheesecake. I was giving him the side eye, but my girl made the point that people who have money get that way by monitoring how they spend their money, so I let him slide on that. It was also kind of cute in away. I would totally go out with him again, but I appreciate that he taught me a lot about myself and showed me that what I want is out there if I'm patient.

I love this song, but I don't want to just "Upgrade you", how about we upgrade each other, Corporate Thug?

I can't front, I HEART this dude, he's not crazy, he's brave...authenticity scares people...

The List

Ok, I'm guilty. When I meet someone new, probably as a result of my never ending skepticism, that always seems to function at the wrong times, I am quick to point out the top 5 things that are wrong with a potential mate, even if they have 100 things that make them "great." So, as another baby boy was going on and on about wanting to be a greater part of my life, I kept telling him, "Hey, you're not what I need right now." He replies, "Ok, what do you need?" I was a little startled at first, I don't get asked that often.

"Well, I want someone who is a sincere mate. Someone that I TRUST. Someone who wants to build and grow together. Someone who is romantic, I've NEVER dated a romantic person before. Someone who wants to travel and go to museums and wine tastings. Someone who is willing to teach me things and also learn from me as well."

Of course in his mind he is all of those things, but in my mind, I already know it will NEVER work. Ironically, while scrolling through Facebook, I noticed someone had re-tweeted this post by Tyrese:

"Tyrese4ReaL

Your still single cause YOU know your VALUE.. Stay strong! Don't allow ur HORNY or your LONELY to make u do some STUPID SH*T!!"

Then this song began to play in my head...

I think I did well to rattle off a condensed version of the list. While in college, I created a list of "non-negotiables", per some self-help book I was reading. There were forty-eight items on the list. Yes, 4-8, 48. My last boyfriend supposedly satisfied 45 of them, and he was still the biggest con artist known to man. So, in my mind, I'm like Geez, I need to ADD to the list? I tried, unsuccessfully, to find it, but if I find it at a later time, I will most certainly post them.

I know myself, very well. I'm very easy going, very loving, very generous. But I have also seen all of those things be exploited by people who didn't find value in those things...until I had had enough. My last boyfriend is STILL trying to rekindle pieces of a relationship that ended over a year and a half ago. The boyfriend before him stalked me (Yes, I'm talking sitting outside of my house late at night), for SIX MONTHS after our relationship ended. I ended up having to move, change my phone number and email addresses. It's so crazy to me, how the old school adage actually holds weight, "You never miss a good thing until it's gone." Or how I always hear in the back of my mind, my mother saying "Hell, I can do bad by myself!" Even before Tyler Perry re-introduced/popularized the thought. But the fact of the matter was, my mother did well by herself. I would think at times that she was probably lonely, but I'm sure no relationship was worth her peace of mind. By watching what I would consider her inherent heroism, I have always been independent and felt like I had to be that way to survive...and not get shafted in life. I'm extremely quirky, and have always said, anyone who can put up with me, deserves to have to me. But that couldn't be further from the truth. I suppose, I would prefer someone who could enhance all the things that are great about me, yet still love all of the things that are not.

I'm by no means perfect, nor do I expect anybody else to be. But I do have expectations and standards. My girls keep saying that I sound like her:

Touche'!

The 80/20 Rule

More times than I would like to admit, I have, sometimes willingly, but a lot of times, unknowingly, been "The other woman". I have also been the victim of the other woman. I am probably one of the most liberal women you would ever meet and tend to explain early in a relationship (regardless of the type), to, 'Just be HONEST with me. Let me make my own decisions. If I find out later, I will be angrier than if you just told me in the first place." In my mind, if a mate does something "wrong", but can admit to it, then we can work through it. I am very aware that people are human. However, in contrast, to lie about it, signifies to me that the person feels no sense of remorse. If I am told the truth, I will be more likely trust that the other person to ALWAYS be honest with me. But of course, I'm always hit with this line:

How does one know what I can handle? I think it's very selfish for someone to make decisions for me and to carry on a relationship, that is basically a lie. When you are not married, or sometimes when people are, the fact of the matter is that you are STILL human. I don't hold people what I feel are unreasonable or unrealistic expectations. Be you! I would rather someone love me for who I truly am, than to love a fabricated version of myself. I never understood, if people want to truly and honestly be with their mate, then why cheat? There is an option to have an open relationship, why not do that? Or not have a relationship at all? I guess it goes back to the whole sense of entitlement that I referenced in the last blog. What makes a person think they can have their cake and eat it too? WHERE THEY DO THAT AT?

I have seen so many men, and women, rationale why they step out on their mates. Why not just LEAVE? I've heard the amended version of the old adage, that goes something like this, "The grass is greener on the other side because they use cow manure as fertilizer." I probably jacked it up, but you get the point. Searching for that other 20%, and not realizing that you may not be the full 100% yourself. I've seen so many seemingly good relationships go awry from people not loving and building what they already have. They keep their 80 percent and lie to them about their 20 percent on the side. I wonder if it ever crosses their mind, what if when I'm away from my mate, that they are searching for or sleeping with their other 20%? Hmmm....

1. Know what you want.

2. When you find it...love it and build on it.

3. Or someone else will.

Baby Boy

Anytime someone of the "Hip-Hop Generation" refers to their favorite movie, aside from Scarface, two other movies come to mind: Belly and Baby Boy. I'll be honest, I can't remember EVER being a fan of either movie, but I've sat through each of them time and time and time again, typically while visiting someone who was deeply engrossed in the movie. I don't own a copy of either and would probably never choose to watch it if I had my choice of what to watch. That being said, a couple of nights ago, hanging out with a couple of friends, Baby Boy came on TV. Both of my friends had fallen asleep and yet I laid on the couch wide awake re-watching this movie that I'd seen a gazillion and one times. But for some reason, this time was different. The introduction really struck me:

"There's this psychiatrist...a lady named Dr. Frances Cress Welsing. She has a theory about the black man in America. She says that because of the system of racism, the black man has been made to think of himself as a baby...a not yet fully formed human being who has not realized his full potential. To support her claim, she offers the following: First...what does a black man call his woman? Momma. Second, what does a black man call his closest acquaintances? His boys. And finally, what does a black man call his place of residence? The crib."

The following is the first ten minutes of the movie, but the video for the aforementioned quote is from 0-1:43.

I'd never read so far into the "slang" that we use, but there has to be some validity to this comment, because as I watched this movie, in each scene I could replace any one of the characters with someone I know. Hell, I have probably been a few of the females in the movie. I think it was enlightening, yet also frightening at the same time. Kind of the same reaction I had when I watched Good Hair by Chris Rock. These movies simply reiterate things we already know or have seen, yet, they've become such a common place, that we don't see certain actions as being erroneous. We have grown accustomed to passively observing and interacting on these levels. I always jokingly, (but seriously), say "Don't buy my Louis Bags, buy me STOCKS!" And I saw the same topic reintroduced in this movie as "Guns and Butter". I thought to myself, what a powerful analogy. I've blogged on this topic several times, the fact that we're are always so caught up with artificial status and what I call STUFF.

Guns and Butter:

I'm a young female who dates...sorta...This movie just helped me to recognize some of the characters in my life and how the characters in this movie are so REAL! Tyrese's character, Jody, made me so angry, because I've seen him many times before. Not "Jody", but males who act just like Jody. His arrogance, selfishness and sense of entitlement infuriated me, but the reality of the situation is, people can only do to you, what YOU allow. A lot of men AND women, talk big game but have and/or are living with Jodys. It's scary to know that this is some people's reality.

Like A Baby Boy:

Are we really content with the Baby Boys of our society? Or have they become such a common place, that we don't expect much more from them? Have we become enablers? I hear a lot of women complain about dating in Atlanta, because the ratio of men/women is so unreal. They always go on to add "And if you add in the ones who are gay, married or gay and married, you really have nothing left! " Have we led ourselves to believe that there are no REAL MEN out there? I know that there are REAL MEN all, I've met a few of them. I would even go so far as to say that there are some REAL MEN who are struggling with the Baby Girls of society. I wonder what that movie would look like. Hmmmm...

Second Chance

A week ago today, I was involved in a terrible car accident. I left a family gathering about 12:00 am, dropped my favorite friend off at home, and headed towards my house. Within 3-4 miles of my house, I turned down a side street that I always take to avoid a traffic light or two. After turning down this street, in the distance, I noticed a pickup truck turn onto the street coming towards me. He swerved back and forth across the middle line. I assumed he would recover. He did not. The next thing I remember was my headlights shining brightly on the side of his truck. I felt a sharp pull, as my body slammed forward and then backwards into my seat. Then I remember seeing white, my airbags had deployed. The pick up truck rolled across perpendicular to my car, over the side of a hill. All I saw was smoke and the tail lights of his car vertically up in the air. I wasn't sure where the smoke was coming from so I got out of the car. I was hysterical. A woman came to me and hugged me and told me over and over again "Sweetheart, it's ok, you are alive! You're ok, you're alive!" Every time I looked at my car, I would start to cry all over again, because I couldn't believe what had just happened or that I even survived it. I kept asking what happened to the other driver. All I could think about was this story about the drunk driver that killed the State Intern. I frantically asked if the other driver was ok. They informed me that he had gotten out and ran on foot from the scene.

A few days later, I went to the tow yard to see if my car was really damaged as much as I thought. This is what is left of my car:

Right in the tow yard, I began to cry again. As I was sooooo grateful to God that he spared me. The car can easily be replaced. I posted the following statement to my Facebook page, along with a picture of my tattered car:

I was involved in a terrible car accident on Saturday evening. I thank God that He chose to spare my life. PLEASE be careful on the roads! Especially late at night. Although, you may be confident in your driving ability, you CANNOT control other drivers. This is what is left of my car. I am so grateful to be ALIVE! Much love to my fam for taking care of me.

One of my Facebook friend's reply, really resonated in my spirit he said:

"Wow[,] God must have some serious work for you to do for the [K]ingdom. That look[s] like a wake up call to me[.]"

Upon retrieving the police report, it turned out that the other driver took out a mailbox on my side of the street before striking me. The registered owner of the car lives about 5 minutes down the street in the direction that the driver was traveling. I could choose to be angry, but I am just grateful that I woke up that morning and every morning since. I still have all of my limbs and I am breathing. Many people are not so fortunate. I have been asking God to bless the other driver, because he obviously survived the impact as well. I just began to think over the past week and how I could've died, 3 minutes away from my home. Would I be pleased with the legacy that I have created thus far. I know that both my mother and my father were my angels that night. I am so grateful for God's omnipotence, because He can see my future and knows that there is still work for me to do here on earth. I feel so incredibly blessed. Thank you God for a second chance!

Can you really have it all?

I was born January 8, 1981 (1-8-81, isn't that freaky? Makes me think I'm extra special) .  I am indeed a Capricorn.  I very strong Capricorn at that.  When I referred to www.astrology.com, the first few words about Capricorns were as follows:

Capricorn, the tenth sign of the zodiac, is all about hard work. Those born under this sign are more than happy to put in a full day at the office, realizing that it will likely take a lot of those days to get to the top. That's no problem, since Capricorns are both ambitious and determined: they will get there. Life is one big project for these folks, and they adapt to this by adopting a businesslike approach to most everything they do. Capricorns are practical as well, taking things one step at a time and being as realistic and pragmatic as possible. The Capricorn-born are extremely dedicated to their goals, almost to the point of stubbornness. 
The article goes on to state :

The Goat symbolizes Capricorns, and an apt mascot it is. Goats love to climb to the top of the mountain, where the air is clear and fresh. In much the same way, Capricorns want to get to the top of their chosen field so that they can reap the benefits of success; namely fame, prestige and money. Getting to the top isn't always a walk in the park, however, so it's likely that Goats will ruffle a few feathers along the way. These folks can indeed be domineering, even egotistical, on their route to the top. They'll tell you it's part of being a leader with bright new ideas (in keeping with the Cardinal Quality assigned to this sign).

Capricorns are industrious, efficient, organized and won't make a lot of waves. They are scrupulous with details and adopt a rather conventional posture in business and in life. These folks feel best playing it safe, since this is a fail-safe way to get to the top -- eventually.

I would agree that describes me very well.  I am a workaholic.  I am always trying to figure out how to improve the quality of my life.  It is one of my goals to retire by the age of 45.  I fully intend to have all of my entrepreneurial pursuits up and fully running themselves by that time.  So, all I think about is work, business, money and how to make more money.  I have considered the thought of love and family life, but after being in many failed relationships, I am slowly losing faith that my soulmate is out there.  Soulmate meaning, the person who will upgrade me, love me flaws and all, be my Clyde and I his Bonnie.  Where they do that at?  I don't need anyone to take care of me.  But a little loving support would go a long way.  I prefer guarantees, and love doesn't offer many.  So, I pose the question, can you really have it all?

Last week I read an article on www.RollingOut.com, titled "5 Ways You Can Have It All".  The article showed a picture of our favorite black super couples Jay-z and Beyonce' and Will and Jada Smith.  I'm looking at the picture like, wow, that's really dope!  They are two sets of very successful people who happen to also be married.  The article goes on to state in 5 simple steps how you can have it all, but I don't know that I'm convinced. 

Yesterday, I was reading an article by Forbes "Why So Few Self-Made Billionaire Women?".  I was very struck by this article.  Of 679 self-made billionaires (in contrast to inheritance), only 14 of them are women.  That is around about 2%.  I tweeted this statistic and got the response "1% being Oprah. Lol"  I didn't find it funny though.  I actually had an attitude about it.  They attributed this striking difference to women not being big risk takers, not being afforded a lot of opportunities, or women prefer raising a family in lieu of a glitzy career.  All I could think about is the numerous stories I've seen on tv or the big screen of women who are lumped into one of two categories:  Those who are the Samantha Jones, super bitch, powerful CEO types or those who have the Cinderella story of how they wanted to be a dancer or a singer, and were very talented, but chose to start a family and live in the shadow of their seemingly more successful husband.  I don't know that I want to live either of these existences.  I love the fact that I am very independent, but would also have to be with a mate that would honor and respect that about me.  I would love to have a family, but not at the expense of me being able to live up to my fullest potential.  Can you really have both?